Missing.....

Well, this few days, every single time that i'm outside, i will always see grandparents holding the hands of the young child or a grandparents with children or youth of my age...this actually coz me to have a longing for my grandparents...especially my great grandmother....i don't know why, but i'm starting to miss her...though she pass away like, 7 yrs ago, but i still love her and i liked her a lot...though at that point in time i'm only 9 yrs old, i didn't cry at her wake and all the while i'm keeping my tears inside all the time throughout the wake..and at the time, i thought i "saw" my great grandmother...mum cried a lot and so is my sis....though i don't see her every week or even every month, she is still someone dear to me...whenever i get to see her, she always smile and care for the whole lot of us great grandchildren...really like her a lot....how i missed her...wat would happen if she is still alive? every year new year, when we go visitation, last time we always go to her house...though we now also did so, but she wasn't there anymore....not there to smile, not there for me to greet her...not there anymore....if only grandma would be like her...though great grandma was 98 yrs old, she is not senile like my grandma...what would happen if grandma wasn't senile? would she love us? though i heard from my aunts and uncle that she used to gamble and stuff...bt i loved her too...seemed to miss her too...long time nv see her....since the last time i been to kranji...heard that granddad likes mum a lot...wat would happen if he didn't pass away? older cousins when they are younger, they had the love of our grandad...bt when it comes to us, younger cousins, he passed away...and all we had was great grandma at that time and grandma...and now it left with grandma....i wouldn't even think of the other grandma...dad's mum....she don't like us.....though mum says that grandfather loves sis a lot when he was still alive..bt heard that he died a few months after i was born...i think that my father side ppl think that i have caused his death..they are so superstitious...haiz...the way they looked at me...didn't see them for years liao...i think they are happy not seeing me...can hear the tension when they talk to me on the phone finding my father...i don't know why this few days i'm missing so many people...everytime when that happens, i will juz pray to God and whoosh...God's presence will always come and touch me...God is so awesome...i believe i can get over it..it is juz a matter of time....this few days i'm thinking of too many people that come and go in my life...especially family members, and close friends that left me...i'm missing my grandma...i've got a feeling that she is going to pass away soon...which i prayed that it will not be so...everytime when i miss someone so much...something will happen to that person...maybe God is preparing me for it....if not when i know the news i might just breakdown....though grandma health is not so good, i pray that she will be alright...you can do it.....bt it is according to His will...bt grandma not yet saved....Lord, saved her....use me, my sis, mum, uncle freddie, aunty angelia and cousin nathan and sarah to help bring revival to my family....really got this strong desire for their salvation....