Hmm...

Dear blog, yesterday well, i went to siglap to study...at starbucks...and you know wat, the man tat make my com the other day say tat i should smile more....i look better when i smile...haha...so funny...bt when you are troubled, it seems so difficult to smile....so well, he wants a smile...so i fake out a smile..haha...oh well...after which i went to meet shuyin...hhaah....well, the service is great...pst Kong preached a very good msg....which is applicable to all of us....and well, i believe that pst Kong is really building a strong local church...a church without walls...there's a point in time where pst Kong talked abt this tall guy...and when he said that he told the guy to go to Bible school, i felt the presence of God so strongly.....coz whenever that happens, i would want to cry...and it is very strong...oo..praise the Lord for it....and after service, we went to rooftop to fellowship...and well, i've settled some stuff....if you know wat i mean...and you know wat, i don't really dare to call...so i sms her the ans....and well, i suddenly felt so timid....in the past, when things like this happen, i will juz retaliate.....bt now, it seems so difficult...God has really changed a raging tempest of the past like me to become wat i am now....bt it seems like i'm no longer bold.....yesterday while i was on my way home, i've been thinking a lot...and well, i felt tat every single time tat i tried to help someone, it is an the expense of self...and well, when i help her especially, lots of my time will be wasted....and this time i can actually used it for other stuff...and you know wat, though i've spend so much time on her, it seems like it is a wasted effort of mine...coz after all, she would juz make use of me times and times again....really...so many ppl have been telling me not to help so much...coz at the expense i wasted my time...and i spend so little time studying...well..it's my future...and i'm putting aside it to help....and yesterday while waiting for the shuttle bus, i do not know why bt Edmond and Jasmine started to talk abt o level...and you know wat, actually i wasn't tat worried abt it...bt the more they say, the more i'm frustrated abt it...the more i'm worried abt it....actually i've trusted God for all my results....and at that moment in time, it seems like fear abt not making it crept into me....and you know wat, if i don't do well, i think my dad would chase me out of the house...and i shall not think abt it.....and well, i think tat there is really nothing i'm good at....haha.....and i'm only interested in some stuff only....and all the poly courses, i'm only interested in design...and well, the points seems to be quite low too....hmm..NAFA and LASELLE is expensive too.....bt i shall not worry, for my future's is in God's hands.....bt wat i do not want is tat i'll regret it when i get my result....regret tat i spend so much time on you...and the thing is you are taking o's too...isn't it very unfair to me? you've studied more than i do...coz you have tuition and stuff...and well, my tuition is last min one....i wonder if you did it purposely....well, so many things have been happening...and i've to think abt it....and i believe tat God is expanding my capacity for things....praise the Lord for it...i believe tat my breakthrough is coming....soon...and you know wat, so many ppl have been telling me to become more like a woman...haha...and you know wat, it is not easy to change someone....and well, i can still remember the times where his family side wanted a grandson so much...tat they don't really like me...though they like sis...and you know wat, i do not knw when i started to behave like this...bt it is all thanxs to him and his family...oh well....bt when it comes to emotionally, i'm more than a woman....haha.....well, i gtg now to study.....later got bs with sis sheena and mich......2morrow and the next day is the last paper!!! hehe.....