If You Love Me Whoever It Is, You Would Not Read This

Dear blog, so many things are happening now....things of the past juz returned back again...and so many things are happening that i find that i'm about to fall, fall right into a trap....someone is actually trying so hard to get into my life, my personal life, that i felt that i don't have space to breathe in.....probably it isn't a good thing for you to tell me your secrets, because it hurt you just as it had hurt me....and know wat, i don't mind that, coz you are my friend, bt wat i mind is you are shutting me up...here i am trying to make sure tat noone knws, there you are trying to take away the air for me to breathe in...hiaz....not only this is bothering me....someone kept scolding...and scolding...and you know wat, now it seems like 3 against one...and guess wat, i'm the one...haha...always like this, get the blame....everything is jiali's fault...every little thing....why am i the scapegoat? everything tat went wrong always happen when i'm around..then they can push the blame to me...oh....wat am i to do? i've been going through this for all my life, i had had enough of this....and you know wat, i did something which i shouldn't be doing....and the anger deep within me is becoming so strong now....and well, i think the spirit of hatred came back....this few days, even ppl that i do not know, i seems to hate them...how come? this few days i can't control myself, maybe its coz i've stressed myself too hard? or wat? this is a poem which i wrote, after crying until my pillows are wet..i really long to have a place which i can cry out loud, it hurt so much in my heart and now i've to cry silently, with blankets covering, if not in the toilet, do you know how difficult that feels? and you know wat, i discover that ppl are coming to me about their probs, telling me to help them, and to keep it a secret, and do you know how difficult it is, to handle ppl's prob and trying to handle yours as well? you've to keep a watch over them, esp those that are suffering from depression...soon i'll be falling back there again, bt i'm praying against it now....i don't want it to happen to me anymore....not that i've my breakthrough in it....when i'm crying, there is no shoulder for me to cry on, when i needed a hug, juz a hug from anyone can cheer me up, bt there isn't one....

When I needed someone to stay by my side,
You said that you will be there
I turned around, there was no one there.
Now you are looking to my sad eyes,
Someone broke my heart,
Now it is not as easy as it is.
You leave me here alone,
You said that you will be there,
But you are not here anymore.
So near yet so far,
The promises that you made,
Have all fade away.
I about to fall,
No one was there to support me.
I'm always there when you needed me,
It's easier to lend a shoulder to cry on,
Then to find one...
All i am left is,
Is You o Lord...
No friends, family or anyone,
Loves me the way you do....
How i love You, o Lord...