well, i'm so pissed off, angry, irritated, resentful right now....coz of 3 ppl...the 3 little pigs...or should i say, the 3 big wolf....oh gosh...i've killed them in my heart...i should repent...i shouldn't coz of their sins tat make me carry the spirit of murder...wat i learnt today..and guess wat, i'm feeling this way right now...i cried while bathing juz now...oh gosh...and i sang a song...to cover up my crying..tat is why i dislike my home...no real place for me to cry, no shoulder to cry on...no one to talk to..except to tell God abt my problems...so many things that is going on in me.....i felt...felt so horrible...nobody knows...yeah..God knows..tats a good thing about God..He knows everything about me...which makes me feel so secure...
if the world is only left with me and one of the 3 little wolves...guess wat, if the world left with me and one of the wolves, i'll die...firstly, i'll die of emotional murder...coz once they are jeolous or angry with me, they sort of kill me....yeah...and 2ndly, i'll kill them in their character....yeah..maybe they are emotionally more stable than i am...bt yeah...and lastly, both will die...or one will get injured...coz all these spirit of murder inside me and that wolf, will soon result in murder..real murder...haha...oh gosh..i'm telling stories...bt yeah..tats what i felt juz now....feeling so horrible now...juz 3 phone calls? hmm..yeah..it changed the entire story...firstly, 2 of them are so near to me..help me..in case i'll kill them....at night....haha..now is night time....and the other one..don't even know who he is...call already don't answer...call me bt when i call back, don't answer...yeah...like wat only..ounce it...
oh no..i've been feeling this way for a few days liao..i don't know wat is going on...mood swing? i don't know...help me...i wanna cry...i really wanna cry...cry it all out....maybe i'll cry later...later when i pray...when everyone is asleep...i pray that they will nt know...they don't care anyway...yeah...
WONT SOMEBODY JUZ HELP ME? ASK ME? TALK TO ME ABOUT IT? PRAY ABOUT IT? YOU MIGHT THINK I"M HAPPY BUT I"M NOT GOING TO BE OK....IM SORT OF IN A STATE WHERE I DON"T KNOW WATS GOING ON....WON"T ANYBODY JUZ CARE? ALL YOU PPL SAY THAT YOU'LL BE THERE, BUT I SEE NO ONE HERE...ALL I NEED IS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON? YEAH...I"M BLEEDING ON THE INSIDE...EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE KILLING ME...STABBING ME IN THE BACK...MAYBE STAB ME IN THE FRONT THEN...IT HAPPEN BEFORE...
maybe this is the time where i learnt to really trust more in Him, where i learn to grow to be strong? hmm...
EVERYTIME I TRY TO FLY I FALL, WITHOUT MY WINGS
*Yesterday night, i cried before going to bed...the feeling is so bad...and guess wat, i can't stopped crying...i tried to control my volume..sis also shared the same room as me..tats what i dislike...no freedom to cry...hmm...dislike it....maybe i should juz go to her house to cry...last time she allow me to...and her house is sort of landed property..tats why not much peeps walked past..hmm....oh well....this morning wake up not feeling so great after all..i wonder how will my day be like today..i pray that i can feel much better when i go for service..yeah...
if the world is only left with me and one of the 3 little wolves...guess wat, if the world left with me and one of the wolves, i'll die...firstly, i'll die of emotional murder...coz once they are jeolous or angry with me, they sort of kill me....yeah...and 2ndly, i'll kill them in their character....yeah..maybe they are emotionally more stable than i am...bt yeah...and lastly, both will die...or one will get injured...coz all these spirit of murder inside me and that wolf, will soon result in murder..real murder...haha...oh gosh..i'm telling stories...bt yeah..tats what i felt juz now....feeling so horrible now...juz 3 phone calls? hmm..yeah..it changed the entire story...firstly, 2 of them are so near to me..help me..in case i'll kill them....at night....haha..now is night time....and the other one..don't even know who he is...call already don't answer...call me bt when i call back, don't answer...yeah...like wat only..ounce it...
oh no..i've been feeling this way for a few days liao..i don't know wat is going on...mood swing? i don't know...help me...i wanna cry...i really wanna cry...cry it all out....maybe i'll cry later...later when i pray...when everyone is asleep...i pray that they will nt know...they don't care anyway...yeah...
WONT SOMEBODY JUZ HELP ME? ASK ME? TALK TO ME ABOUT IT? PRAY ABOUT IT? YOU MIGHT THINK I"M HAPPY BUT I"M NOT GOING TO BE OK....IM SORT OF IN A STATE WHERE I DON"T KNOW WATS GOING ON....WON"T ANYBODY JUZ CARE? ALL YOU PPL SAY THAT YOU'LL BE THERE, BUT I SEE NO ONE HERE...ALL I NEED IS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON? YEAH...I"M BLEEDING ON THE INSIDE...EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE KILLING ME...STABBING ME IN THE BACK...MAYBE STAB ME IN THE FRONT THEN...IT HAPPEN BEFORE...
maybe this is the time where i learnt to really trust more in Him, where i learn to grow to be strong? hmm...
EVERYTIME I TRY TO FLY I FALL, WITHOUT MY WINGS
*Yesterday night, i cried before going to bed...the feeling is so bad...and guess wat, i can't stopped crying...i tried to control my volume..sis also shared the same room as me..tats what i dislike...no freedom to cry...hmm...dislike it....maybe i should juz go to her house to cry...last time she allow me to...and her house is sort of landed property..tats why not much peeps walked past..hmm....oh well....this morning wake up not feeling so great after all..i wonder how will my day be like today..i pray that i can feel much better when i go for service..yeah...
posted by Abigail @ Saturday, January 29, 2005
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