ReSulTs...(look below for the recent updated one)

well, many people have been asking me about my results...bt currently, i ain't telling anyone..those that knows, good for you..those that don't know...STOP bugging me about it k? and you know wat, plz don't come and talk some sense into me...coz right now, i felt so terrible..you don't know how it feels like....ok? imagine..my results...wat if...wat if i had even more time to study for it? won't i even do better? i've wasted so much on my time...ppl come and msg me, or come and tell me..."hey jiali...i need you to help me to collect this..do this..do that..."...they said that they are busy...come on man....you ppl....that does that....they aren't busy...some don't have to study for exams....some are juz pushing their responsibilities away!!! PLZ!!! why are all you ppl doing this to me? its not your future, its not your life...wat you are ruining, is my life and my future...and sometimes, when i did wat they asked me to do, i've actually coz many ppl to don't like me...not that i want to gain favor from ppl or something...bt imagine...one day..if i go to heaven....wat would i tell God? hmm...maybe you don't know what i'm talking about...bt you know wat, there is so many things tat i need to handle while im taking my o level...and these ppl....they juz don't understand....they want the position, bt they don't want to work...i can't stand it...urgh....i don't care if you think i'm talking about you...bt right now, i'm so much so hurt...maybe on the outside i'm not showing it...bt on the inside...i'm not....so plz...give me peace? don't talk to me about wat course to take....coz well...juz keep quiet...plz....

btw, if u think that i'm very happy abt my results and stuff....juz to let you know...i'm being laughed at ok? so plz...the feeling...its not good.....my dad...kept saying wat lousy results i've...kept telling me...to go out to watch the news of others tat did much better....come and tell me about other ppl this and that..this and that...jc...poly...watever stuff...sheesh....go away lar...everytime like that one....having a dad like this is so much so worst...i tried my best to like him...bt since young, he never said that i'm good in anything before...so i'll try to make him happy...get top 10 in class...then he criticised..saying...."your class all so lousy one..tats why you manage to get to top 10"....then hearing that..i told myself...i must do better....then i get into top 5...and he said the same thing...then i got 1st in subject...history...i'm so happy about it...1st in subject among the whole school....not only history...sec 2 i got it for my literature...he didn't praise me for anything before...not tat i really need approval for anything...bt everything that i do, he juz don't think that its good enough...wat am i suppose to do? thank God he didn't know that while having my o level, i've to handle many things on my hand....including helping ppl with their problem...one day before one of my o level paper....everything's solved...bt my results for that paper...hiaz...i shall not say it....

once...the bestest of my best friend..the one and only one that really cares....he said this to me once, "maybe...maybe one day you should try....stop thinking about helping people...tat people begin to make use of you...coz every one msg or one call you receive, you will sure say yes to whatever they want you to help them with....bt what you fail to realise, is that, sometimes, you tend to give up wat is important in your life..to help them...it is a good thing...but sometimes, you've got to learn to be selfish...look out for yourself..." at first, i thought tat he was joking with me...bt now...i realise wat he really means....

plz do not msg me that your life still carries on..i know it...i know that life still carries on...bt you don't understand lar...you score far better than i do....oh well..bt thanks anway...bt well, i cried juz now...while bathing...and the saddest thing about me is always this: that i always dont' have the freedom to cry...everytime i feel like crying...i've to cry softly to myself...in bed, in toilet...and today...its the first time that i cried until so hard....that while bathing halfway...i juz sang a worship song...sing o barren....felt much better after that...then i cried even more...realise many pains and hatred...then...i feel like screaming...bt i told myself i can't...later dad will scold me...hmm....

i dont' want to blog already...thank God for whoever tat invented blog...it sort of allow you to release many things that is in ur mind...great...felt much better...bt still, many things still go on in me...oh well...bye...

btw, the song in my blog....it is really wat i'm feeling...dedicated to someone...listen to the first sentence..then u will know...


People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. --> thats what im feeling now...

well, as i show my mum my results slip, she said that it is the first time i scored so badly for my english..and yes...its true....sheesh...my history didn't improve at all....mr leong asked if i'm upset and disappointed...duh..haha...bt i thank him juz now..for teaching me....oh well...and guess wat, mum kept commending this and that...this and that and that and this...and gosh....i don't like KPO ppl...none of their business also ask....gosh....well, some relatives of mine are SO concerned...oh well....btw, my relative are all very smart ppl...think besides my sister, i'm the second worst...and how great can tat be...uncle tony wants me to go to JC...and now i can't even go...wat an embarassment....and well, i can't help bt feel that dad is embarass of me....he kept shooting arrows at me...oh well....

i've been drinking....alcohol...bt won't get drunk one....i drank 3 bottles of it in one shot before..never got drunk...so juz one bottle won't hurt....its leftover from chinese new year...coz got 2..thought that sis would drink..she try the one i open for one sip..then she don't want already..how sad...haha...so tats why i've got one extra....so well, since feeling so down, might as well drink...hahah...bye....