I wrote: All that i want is You.....How many times, have i broken Your heart..

at first, i knew something is gonna happen to me today...bt i juz dont' know wat it is..i juz don't know why i wrote that on my hand..i know the second part is from a song...but still, why would i want to write it on my hand? a place so visible for me to see? but now i got it...i know why i did tat...


today...i injured my shoulder...i'm so small yet big ppl like to bang me...OUCH!! is all i could say...the pain is killing me...but i still carry on..not turning back....wanting to go home but i didn't...feels as though my arm is no longer there...bt praise the Lord for His strength...


cg was tremendous today.....real great!

i and shuyin climbed up the pole...took pics....then when i get down, i injured my leg..its ok for my left leg...coz its nt really painful...as i already have muscle pain there...bt well, my right leg...the pain is soooooooo very painful...i told myself there and then...that i will not compromise to telling myself tat it hurts and such..but wat i did, is telling myseld tat i will get healed in Jesus' name..they prayed for me..praise the Lord for tat...it got better...took a cab home with shuyin and jasmine..


reached home..worst thing happen....dad stared at me as though i'm a stranger...will eyes tat seems so murderous....then he speak...he scolded me for something...i shall not say it here....don't wash dirty linen in public..bt watever he said, hurts me so much on the inside...my family sucks...yes..i know...bt thank God my sis bother to ask...wats wrong with my leg...



mum...i can't believe it...u know wat, she seems so cold to me...she questioned me...like i'm a criminal...then i ate my dinner...i started crying....then she scolded, "dont ever cry while eating your dinner or don't ever cry while you are at the dinner table"...she still hasn't changed...since i was very young...still so superstitious...and you know wat, have u ever tried eating while crying? there you are, sobbing your heart out and eating at the same time...i can't stand eating while i'm sad or angry...i juz feel like puking...and ive to finish my food...if nt things will get even worst...bt one thing i know today, mum did not even ask how am i...after she said tat to me, she packed her stuff for her work and went out...not even a word of take care or something...nobody at home told me tat i'm gonna be alright...that they will bring me to the doc or something..and i don't even think tat i'm going to the doc for my shoulder even..forget it then...



whenever something happens to sis, my parents will respond so quickly..go to sch to pick her up or something...how about me? i called once...nobody wants to come..twice...sometimes they come...sometimes they dont...third time? no third time...i'm going home myself...teacher or the sch staff hired a cab for me...and i go home on my own..they feared something bad will happen to me...even if it did, like the other time, i will still be able to crawl home...realising tat reaching home isn't a good thing at all...all i got was scolding..no doc no nothing....no words no nothing....juz me, taking panadol...and panadol and more panadol...i'm always the one clearing the mess for my own troubles and problems...hmm...doesn't matter..it will make me become more independent then before....


every circumstances tat i go through, i know tat it is God's process of making me stronger...if God is for me, who can me against me? and i know i can't live without God...NEVER EVER will i leave God....and God is so close to me whenever i needed Him...oo...praise the Lord...