Hmm..another day is about to pass me by....and well, today, i couldn't really get up, with aches all over my body, and i wonder why. i was supposed to talk it out with my mum about it yesterday, but it ended out that i "talk" with her today. not exactly "talked", but we quarrelled, coz of a 3rd party, which is my sister. it irritates me. yes, for the time being, she is putting that australia thingy on hold, until i can sort of "make up my mind on what i want to do". so called what i dream of doing. but it all voice down to one thing, my dream or theirs? and my dreams must be based on their dreams for me. not for self, but for them. it pisses me off. especially my sister. she is adding fire to the whole situation. yes, probably i'll stay in singapore, high chance of it, BUT it seems like it is juz being postponed, or maybe not. God, let it be so. and sometimes i wonder, what do they get back in return, for doing this? especially for not letting me persue my dreams? still, even if i stay in singapore, they WANT me to stay in MI...which i dont want to. not that it is a bad school, but it is juz that i 've something else in mind, which i think the probability of me doing it is very very low. lower than the soil level. whatever, my parents are such a pain in the neck. and so is my relative. they want to see me in university, whereas i myself, dont visualise myself going to the university...worst still, is my dad. therefore he wants me die die also must go to the university. for wat? juz coz he can show off. coz no one in his family have studied and graduated from the university before. not his niece or nephew, if there's any that i know of. WHATEVER. i'm like a caged bird, everything is being dictated for me to do. they are like my dictators, whereas, i'm like their "pet". yes, we ought to honor our parents and such, but does that mean that we have to really go against what we really want and do what they want? oh well.

i know that going to MI is not a bad thing after all, when i got into this school in the beginning. but what makes me have bad mindset about it is people. yes, people. even brethen. and i wonder why. i thought that brethen are suppose to lift one up, and not pull them down. and friends, what are friends for, if you dont support them? i wonder. they say that MI is a waste of time. they say that i will not go very far because i'm in MI. i can't compete with the other JCs for place in singapore university. yes, its kind of true. but that does not mean that if i work hard, i cant do it. oh well. then they go on saying that i wont do well in my A's...when they didn't even take A's before. unless you are someone who has gone through it before, how would you know? then you will tell me, "oh my cousin/relative has been through it.." yeah, right..as you have said..it is still not you. so go away. and there are some, who appear to be very supportive of you, but behind your back, they will say that i'm so lousy, so stupid and blah blah blah..but have you ever wonder, why the government allow my school to exist? if it is that bad, it would have been gone long time ago. say whatever you want then.


she/he said that whatever happens to me affects her/him. she/he said that she/he cares. she/he said that if i were to cry, she/he will cry with me, and go through my obstacles and such with me. she/he said that she/he will go through whatever i'm going through, and walk with me, but when i look around, she/he is not there. not even a shadow. then i wonder again, can i believe again? or once again, i'm so gullible to believe that she/he really bothers? or that she/he is doing it or saying it to make me feel better? i wonder..i really wonder.