Today was the last day of my exams. i should be feeling very excited and happy. but apparently, i didn't. i was so looking forward to today, but when today comes, it ain't what i wanted. i woke up feeling so different, i couldn't stand people, including people around me. which is my mum and dad. its not that, its something else. and i dont know what it is also. and i hate it. i couldn't focus on my study, and it has gotten over me. then i really feel like crying, as though something terrible is gonna happen, or worst still, that i will fail my promos. which i pray, that may God forbid it to happen.


in the exam room, lecture rm 2, i was having a fever. so i struggle with trying to focus and trying to complete my work. and its so difficult. and i've to struggle between falling asleep and keeping awake. i wonder if i have shade wrongly. coz i shade wrongly for one of it.


now i know why yesterday the bs said that you need faith to go to sleep. and i experience it yesterday. many things come to me, and yesterday and today is the first time that i've start to worry about that. i will not tell you what it is. so dont bug me. i'm kind of like so scared of it, and not only that, something else came to me also. i know of it for quite long already, but i'll juz push that thought aside, so that i wont focus on it. but as i'm thinking of it nw, my thoughts are quite true, thats why i'm in such a terrible state right now.


i do think that i'm gullible at times, and i really need to become stronger, by moving away from that. and i realise one thing, that maybe, the proverb that "a man for himself/herself" is quite true. someone showed me that. and i knew it long time ago. and i wonder why i didn't do anything about it. one part of me wants revenge, for what wrongs that i have suffer, but on the other hand, i want to forget it and forgive that person. which is what i'm trying to do. but its hard. i know it. stupid me. nothing in this world is easy. not in this perfect world.



i hate this dog-eat-dog world. everybody out there is out to get you. and the closest to you might juz be plotting something for you to fall into. maybe your relatives. you might never know.


Dont pretend you are sorry, i know you are not.


Dont become a Christian if you think that it is beneficial to you. or you think that all you ever want from becoming a Christian is blessings, or your dreams coming to pass. if these are the main reasons why you become a Christian, i feel so sorry for you, because you are so caught up with your self-interest. rather than because of you love God coz He first loved you. We are the reason why He gave His life for us, so that we can be recouncil back to God. not for self-interest.