Yesterday, was probably a bad day for me. And probably, the most stressing day for this whole month. yes, the end of the month. I took my GP paper yesterday, from 2 pluz in the afternoon till 5 pluz, going to 6. so i was wondering, wat am i going to do after the paper, what am i going to do when i reached home. i had it all planned. immediately after my paper, inside the exam room, we are released. so i took out my phone to check. someone called me. a private no. so i assumed its my mum. and i picked up the call. she said that aunty Doris died. and all i said is, "ok". i've got no feeling for it at all. probably, i haven't come to my senses yet. but in the end, i did. but i didn't cry on my way home. i couldn't. i reached home. i wanted to cry, and yet, i didn't. probably i've already prepare myself for this?

when i reached aunty Doris house, there are like, so many people there. more than 100 over people. thank God that placed is a private house, if not, too crowded. and probably all we will ever disturb are the birds and bugs at sungei buloh nature reserve. haha! what a joke. its not funny. nobody cries. i wonder why. because all of them came very early. and they knew it long time ago. and thank God for my family. all of them knows that i've got my exams yesterday, so they said to one another not to let me know until my exams are over. except for my sister. she forget about my exams. and call everyone that she knows coz she can't get to me. i wanted to cry when i see my aunt. my uncle, who is a pastor, brings us in to see her and pay respect to her, coz we are Christians, and there are some things that we cannot do.

even Coco knows that the owner is no longer around. poor dog. i went to touch her, and all she did is enjoy my touch. but i know that she can feel what is going on, because this is the first time that when someone puts her in a chair, she sits still.

for once, i thought i've lost my mind, my senses. but no, i didn't. i wanted to go and see grandma in the room, but decided not to. all the more i will feel upset and depressed. fancy knowing the fact that the white hair sending the black hair off. though i only cried silently in bed, i'm not in the mood for anything. thats why i'm not in school today, though it is very important to go today. and my exams are like, wow. i wonder what am i supposed to do.

Thank God i'm prepared for this, if not, its even worst. i will not pity myself or plunged deep into a point of no return, tat is not what i want.

*people who i'm waiting to show concern didn't do it, so much for the 'promise' that that person has made. i shall not trust that person anymore, coz to that person, i'm no longer a person of worth for him or her to care for...coz someone replaced me, or i'm juz been pushed aside. i dont care about you anymore. you are juz not that kind of person tat the bible says. i wonder why. *

i found out the truth of my aunt's death.