Back to blog again. Well, when i went to bed at 3am earlier this morning, i couldn't sleep, but i suddenly cried. i do not know why, but my tears just flow down my cheeks, literally. and at first, my mind was blank. i wasn't thinking of anything sad and all. but after which, about 2 mins later, m my mind start to wonder...wonder about my life. from when i was young, till now. i recalled of myself being in my primary school, getting such good grades and always becoming top few in class. then looking back at my PSLE, i realised that it is not that i didn't study, its just that, at that point in time, at that age, you experienced what i've just went through, you will not be in any mood to study, seriously. so i played hard, study less...in hoping to forget the pains and hurts that i felt. Bam...PSLE results is out. i can choose to go to express or normal. everyone wants me to go to express. i wanted to go to a good school. as in, not a neighbourhood school. i can enter with my results, but its just that my parents dont want me to, so i landed there, in East Spring. life was tough, disappointing and such. i managed to get from sec 1 till beginning of sec 4 with really good grades. seriously. i admit i lied to peeps that i didn't study, but in fact, i did. i admit that i lied to others that i've got bad results, only my family knows my actual results, the others just know what my "pretenious" results. how great. O level results. great disappointments. i shall not say anything much about it. and one thing about me crying in bed, i recalled the song of the christmas drama, "Is there a God"..so i asked. is there really a God...and well, thank God for everything....

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"Do you want to become a leader of "that"? i want to nominate you. and those whom i nominate do not have to go through interviews and such. they get in straightaway. so how?" i said yes at that point in time, but with a twist. "yeah, i want, provided that you are not the main in-charge." and he is in charge. and he got disappointed and take off my name. in fact, he actually has already confirmed my name down even BEFORE he asked me. ooo.....Ryan..why? haha...bt you know what, though this happens, he didnt kick me off as a secretary. so i still remain as a secretary........but not now. stepped down already. i do not know why, but this keeps ringing in my head...



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will be back to blog soon..