So confused. I really dont know what to do. HELP. please.


I've been crying before i managed to go to bed for 4 days. what's wrong? so many things flooding in my mind, i really hope, that this will end really soon. seriously, i dont know what to do.

Yesterday, i did PE. and well, we are told to run. Mr Azlan said that unless those with long-term mc renewed their mc, they would have to do PE. so i run with them. and its ONLY 1.2km. and i can't run. i run halfway, and i'm gasping for air. and Mr Azlan saw. He asked me to rest, and walk a little while. then that stupid Mr Seh...he say, "Walk also can walk faster right, miss?" whatever. and at that moment, my head was spinning. i nearly fainted. then well, after that, some of the girls in my class ask me to breathe...coz i was breathing very loudly and when i stop, they know. i know i stop breathing for about half a min. i can't seem to breathe...as in tell myself to breathe...well, the whole day yesterday i felt that my body was wierd. very wierd. it is always so when i can't breathe. and sometimes, my heart would beat very very fast. or that my chest will be painful..like as though needles are poking. haiz...

They are breaking me, not making me.
Everyone seems to knows what they are doing, i dont.
I'm confused, lost
Truth is, i'm scared, afraid of it all.
What if? so many what if...
I dont even believe in myself,
Can i believe in that again?
I really wonder what in the world am i doing?
I did something, which i can't forgive myself...
I can't seem to forget, it keeps playing in my mind..
Like as though its a movie.
It isn't.
That voice that kept asking me...
That same old question.
I'm scared.
Really am scared.
Everyone seems to carry on with their busy life..
As for me, i tried to keep myself busy.
But in the dim of the light,
It all comes back to me.
I wanna tell them.
But i didn't.
I dont even see them around.
When i'm awake, they are not here
When i'm asleep, they are back.
Communication breakdown?
Maybe.
Or that i dont try?
Most likely.
I can't be bothered anymore.
Everything is all ________.
It may sound absurd,
But dont be naive.




This ain't a poem by the way,
and if you are one without ur own thoughts,
then copy this then.
i dont mind.
this is nothing to me, not my poem.
and i'm not posting my poems here anymore.
coz of you...